Wow, I can't believe it's already November. I definitely didn't intend to go so long without updating this, but I just kind of kept waiting for something "update worthy" to happen, and then to actually have time to post about it...
The semester has flown by at an almost frightening speed, considering the fact that each day is propelling me closer to "real life" as it were. Right now I'm preoccupied with studying for the test I have Friday and then Monday (which means I really shouldn't even be updating this right now...) and preparing for choir tour (we leave in like... a week and a half!! AAAAHH!) among other things.
For lack of having anything note-worthy to update you in my life, I'll post a few musings about somethings I've been thinking about recently.
1. You know how Gandalf says "A wizard is never late, Frodo Baggins. Nor is he early. He arrives precisely when he means to." Well, I've been thinking about that in context with how God is never late or early, but everything always happens precisely when he means it to. Which of course leads to great thoughts on patience with God's timing for "big events", etc. But that's not what I want to muse on... I keep thinking about it in regards to how my day-to-day life isn't on my own time, but on God's. There's been a lot of times when I've felt like I'm running late but whatever time I end up showing up is great. Or because I left later, I ran into someone on the way there and got to catch up with them. Or saw someone who needed help and was able to offer it. Sometimes I feel like I go about life frantically, feeling like I'm behind and I need to catch up, or sometimes I'm just going along not really thinking much about whether I left my room when I did or 2 minutes earlier. But I always leave my room precisely when God has intended it, and I just think that's cool. That means that whoever I see, whatever I run into- God meant for me to leave to intersect that. I think this is particularly applicable when you're in the car and stuck in traffic- I feel like it's so easy to get impatient and watch the clock ticking away and think "yup, now I'm one more minute late... and one more minute" and we have absolutely NO control over how long it takes. But God does, and God has a reason for us sitting there and we will arrive wherever we're going when we're supposed to. And that's awesome- so stop stressing about being late! Or early! Arrive with pride because that's when God predestined you to show up! But, you know... seriously.
2. Jesus says "Come and die." Jason talked about this last night, but I've been thinking about it a lot this semester. Come and die- die to your hopes, ideals, dreams for this life. Surrender it all to God. We count everything else loss, except for Jesus. This is just something I feel like I'm beginning to grasp a little more daily. (And by that, I mean little!) It's not that I say that different dreams for my life are bad or wrong, but that Jesus is more important than any of them. To gain Jesus is worth any cost, and in fact, we owe Christ everything- our entire lives because He died to give us life. That means God doesn't owe us anything, I can't hold him to something. Jesus has some awesome dreams and plans for my life- though only He knows what they are right now. But I know they are good plans. And I know that I long to grow closer to Him, and let him use me as He will, as a broken vessel to show his grace and mercy to others. And His plan probably isn't my plan. In fact, if past is any prediction of future, it rarely is. And yet, again, if past predicts future, it will also be better than what I planned. But it means that I have to give up my plans, my ideals, my dreams of what a "complete, satisfying, fulfilling life" is. Because Lord knows I don't actually know how to get that, and anything I try to do on my own accord will be disastrous. But God knows what I need, and He will definitely give it to me, even if I go to it kicking and screaming- and it will be good and I will be thankful for it. So why not just be thankful for it now- before I know why I should be thankful for it? There's so many things that I wasn't thankful for at first that now I couldn't be more thankful for. Everything involved with reslife- like being in Evergreen this year- it is exactly where I need to be, and yet I came to it with a grumbling spirit. And yet God was blessing me with it! I'm hoping God will continue to change my heart so I can come to new events in life with a thankful spirit from the onset instead of a grumbling one, because God's plans truly are better.
3. God is still showing in amazing ways how he truly provides for all things. Like choir tour- and completely turning our plans upside down but also completely supplying everything we needed even though it wasn't anything that we planned. And that's exciting.
Well, that's all I can remember right now... I muse about a lot of things though. And they all kind of overlap. I finally started reading Stepping Heavenward (I think I originally started it in 2004... yeah... but again- God's timing! I always read everything when He intends me to- when my heart is ready to receive what it might teach me). And I basically love it. Mainly because she is so full of emotions and roller coasters just like I do, but longs to love the Lord better. And she still completely misses the mark every day, and yet God works through her in ways she never even realizes or intends. That's exciting, how God does that- and a huge testimony that it's not us, but the Holy Spirit within us. Though I have got to say, I do not understand how she'll have constant entries for several months, and then have this random entry a month later saying "We received a blessed baby girl" or something out of the blue. What- you didn't know you were 8 months pregnant??? Surely you could have mentioned *something* about feeling the baby quicken inside you and hoping that it grows well and God keeps it healthy... I mean... you sure do talk about it a lot once they're actually born... maybe it's a time period thing... But I mean, Elizabeth, Mary, lots of other women in the bible talked about being pregnant! Listen, when I'm pregnant, I'm going to talk about it in my journal. Just a warning.
2 comments:
I love that you quoted Gandolf. He's amazing...I want to go to a festival with him where there's fireworks. But, I digress (can I do that if I was never actually on point? hmm...)
When God is orchestrating all (traffic, interactions, big events, small events, etc.) and means for each thing to happen how it does, what responsibilities do we have, and is it possible for us to mess up his intentions?
interesting question, kley, and again i reiterate that i would love to have a coffee chat about this stuff (in a completely platonic, non-committal way...). I want to say that no, we can't mess up his intentions. Not that God *causes* the bad stuff that happens, but He does allow it- and if He so chose, He could have prevented it- which is a hard truth to fight with, but one I think needs to be grasped. If not, we end up with the frantic "trying to put everything back together again because you damn kids messed everything up again!" God...
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