Circling

Well, I'm sitting in the Beeson Woods office unexpectedly for another two hours with some time to waste, so I figured maybe I should write another update for this journal that I have so poorly neglected since the turn of the year. I think I keep waiting for something "noteworthy" to happen and nothing ever seems enough, or it seems like too much.

A lot has happened in the year so far. I've started and finished an ICU elective and learned so much in a brief 3 weeks; I once again got a small taste of what it will be like after graduation, and returning to the grime of school is less than appealing. I'm halfway through my last semester of college, and could list on two hands what I have left to do before graduation, school-work wise at least. I've prepared and participated in my first real job interview. And am now awaiting the results. Check back in April.

Choir leaves for Chicago on Friday, and I am excited, though probably a little stressed. And trying to avoid thinking about the fact that it's my last tour with choir. This fact has really not sunk in. Like always, God has taken care of everything, even in the middle of our freak outs on whether or not He would (exhibit A- until the end of last week we weren't sure if we were actually going to sing anywhere on Sunday... and now we are singing twice, and eating good, Polish food!) God is too good.

Since I last posted, my family also found out that my Granddaddy (the one who owns the Kaleidoscope Shop) has Acute Myelogenous Leukemia. Which is generally not good, but I am please to report that a month into the diagnosis, he has gone through chemo, been discharged from the hospital, and is doing remarkably well, all things considered. Though, every day, every month, I think is a huge blessing now (not that they weren't and shouldn't have been before). Continued prayers for healing and strength are appreciated. Especially that he will not get an infection, and that as his bone marrow regrows, it will regrow the way it's supposed to, instead of making lots of immature, cancerous cells again. The experience so far, though, has shown me

1. How amazing my grandparents are, in their faith, and in their life. Grandmother had such wisdom when quoting from Daniel 3 when I visited: "If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king. But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up." Not only do they have an amazing attitude, but Granddaddy also walked a mile a day every day he was in the hospital. He amazes me. They amaze me. I can only hope to be a shadow of the the amazing people they are, and that my own parents are. God has surrounded me with amazing people who truly love and serve the Lord, and live out hospitality and Christ-like love every day.
2. How amazing my friends are. Again, I have been blessed beyond all that I deserve in the friends God has given me at Samford. Their prayers and support made the times of uncertainty these past few weeks, and I'm sure the times of uncertainty to come so much more bearable. That, combined with the number of texts, messages, etc. of people praying for my interview last Friday is a testament of how many people love me and are praying for me, and is something I hope I never forget, and something I need to stop taking advantage of.

I have been amazingly blessed, and I really take it for granted every day of my life. In the midst of realizing more and more how blessed I have been, I'm also realizing how great my sin still is, and how in many ways, I've really not tackled or overcome any of my long list of ingrained sin at all (though, I suppose this is the daily, monthly, yearly struggle in Christianity). I'm still selfish, self-centered, prideful, arrogant, lacking in mercy and love for others, and constantly looking for fulfillment in things other than Christ. You'd think Jesus would just get tired of me, huh? His steadfast patience with me is incomprehensible.

I recently purchased a few scholarly books on Harry Potter (yes, I am an obsessed geek), and I have really enjoyed reading them (stick with me, this connects to what I was saying a second ago, I promise...). Right now, I'm in John Granger's The Deathly Hallows Lectures (though, if you're wanting to start out, his 5 Keys to Unlocking Harry Potter or How Harry Cast His Spell might be a better starting place). I've learned a lot about alchemy, particularly literary alchemy and how it can be used as "scaffolding" for literature. Shakespeare and Dante did it. And so did Rowling. And it has been very interesting. Apparently when alchemy was particularly popular, there was "Christian Alchemy," and it's not really a surprise, because the three stages really give an excellent parallel or metaphor for our process of sanctification. What I find particularly interesting is that in every book, Harry goes through the three alchemical stages (black, white, red), but the book series as a whole is also one long alchemical process. Harry has to repeatedly go through the same steps, the same process, on his longer, more complete journey and transformation. And each time, he gets a little closer, and little deeper.

The section on the Hero's Journey (one of the 5 keys, the keys being: narrative misdirection, literary alchemy, the hero's journey, traditional symbolism, and postmodern themes) kind of has the same sentiment. Basically the hero goes through a typical pattern which can be found in harry potter in these stages: privet drive- mundane existence; magical escape- being called on a journey to a magical world; mystery- the trio's "extracurricular" assignment each year; crisis- harry has to choose the right, difficult thing; underground- harry and one or both of friends goes underground to confront evil; battle- fight fight fight!; loss and death- harry loses every year and seems to die; resurrection- but he rises from the dead, in the presence of a symbol of Christ! (See, I really want to read his other books for a break down of this in each book- but think about it, totally true!) But ultimately, John Granger is saying that this structured routine isn't just there because it's nice and easy, but because of the symbolism of the circle. Check this out:

Now every hero's journey is a figurative, completed circle, if not a geometric one, so let's think about what a circle is... a circle is the uniform radiation of a spaceless point, the center, into space. All points of a circle are equidistant from a center point, right? This center, then, really defines the circle, of which it is only an extension. Think of a ripple moving away from a rock dropped in the pond. The rock at the center causes and defines the circle rippling away from it. A circle, which is visible, is only intelligible and understandable because of the defining and spaceless center that is usually invisible and unknowable itself. (This, incidentally, is why a circle is is an adequate, even profound representation of God as Trinity, with God the Father as Center, the Word as circle, and Holy Spirit as proceeding radiation from the Center. The Father is only knowable through His Word and because of the Holy Spirit; each is distinct, and the center is logically, but not temporally, prior).

...

Harry went underground repeatedly in Deathly Hallows, most importantly in choosing to dig Dobby's grave, because each descent into the underworld was a dying to himself from which, remember, he either saved lives, recovered lost treasure, or was enlightened. Imagine the world as a circle; every descent was Harry's movement toward the center and source of life and away from the periphery of ego and the fear of death.


I know I just went on a long tangent to get to the point I'm trying to make, but it was important to see how these thoughts came together.

Just like Harry is always going on this circle every year, repeating the same steps over and over again, and yet, also getting closer to the center of the circle every time, becoming more and more like a symbol of Christ every time, until, by the last book, he actually arises as a Christ-symbol in his actual death and resurrection (though I would definitely argue Harry is more often a good symbol of the Christian walk, than of Christ- and even in this, don't we all die and live again in Christ? Don't we all have a cross to carry? Don't we all have to repeatedly die to our sinful desires?), we also are constantly going through a repetitive circle, going through the same patterns of sin, repentance, faith, growth, sin, etc., and yet each time we make the circle, we get a little closer to the center. We go a little deeper, and learn a little more. Another layer of the dragon's skin is removed (though, I suppose in Lewis, Aslan just went for the kill with the dragon skin... speaking of- Dawn Treader- December! I'm almost excited as I am for Harry Potter in November!)

Sometimes it is so discouraging to realize that I am constantly returning back to the same sinful habits I thought I had really made improvement on. Why do I always find myself again feeling puffed up and arrogant about myself? Why am I constantly crashing back down when I realize that God is, in fact, still calling me to be patient and wait for His timing and not my own? When just a few months ago, I really thought I had arrived at a good place of peace? Why do I keep coming back to the other end of the circle? Maybe because that's the way God has chosen to let us live out Sanctification. To continually go through black, white, and red stages, to continually loop through our personal journeys, as we inevitably get closer to Him, the Center. And, it's interesting that, in the symbol of the Circle, Jesus is the visible Circle, and we are called to follow Jesus, take up our Cross, die our own deaths, follow his circle. ? And I love thinking of the Spirit, rippling out, and we have no idea where the ripples end, how far the Spirit reaches in its effect, reaching more, and also drawing us in closer to the Center.

You can see I've really enjoyed exploring the limits of this symbol in my own head. I'm curious if it resonates with anyone else.

I've been having as much fun with the alchemical stages, which I only briefly mentioned- black is the stage where everything is stripped away until only what is essential remains (for big picture, think book 5), white is the illumination, where new truths are discovered, and red is when the truths that are discovered are revealed in actions. Romeo and Juliet follows these stages. Tale of Two Cities follows these stages. Apparently most of Shakespeare does. It was very popular, because in alchemy, it was thought that the alchemist went through internal, personal changes as he observed the changes in the materials, and it was therefore also thought that while audience members observed a change on the stage, it would also effect a change in them. While I'd be hesitant to jump on the "change in chemical material" train, I'm totally ready to jump on the literary alchemy train- of course watching a play or reading a book has an effect on you- because you do take the journey with the characters.

Anyway. As you can see, I'm just as obsessed with Harry as always. And also still as wordy as always. Now I bet you wish I hadn't updated... hah!